...ellipses...

Moving

2007-04-19T04:29:00.000+08:00

After 68 million years, I finally am moving on and moving to...

a new home (literally and figuratively speaking:D).

Welcome to Avenue P!

Que Sera, Sera

2007-04-13T08:46:00.000+08:00

Last April 11, I attended the pre-departure briefing for Zambia-bound volunteers. It would've been a fitting final preparation before leaving for my VSO stint—except that nothing is final yet with regard to my deployment.

A couple of weeks ago, I received news from VSO Zambia that my placement with my original employer “fell through”, and that they were targeting to find an alternative placement for me before April 15.

As of yesterday, however, none of the options have firmed up, and so VSO Zambia asked for “a couple more days” to work it out. I suspect that the Holy Week break (since Zambia is also a predominantly Christian country) kept them from speeding things up. Hence, my target date of departure was reset (yet again) to anytime between April 17 and 25.

With the repeated changes in schedule but little development in getting an actual placement, I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. I don't want to be inflated, just to get deflated again. Hence, I am really just taking each day as it comes and preparing myself for any eventuality.

Thankfully, my Volunteer and Programme Adviser (VPA) here in the Philippines is quite forward-looking, and has already broadcasted my CV once again on VSO’s worldwide database. Within less than an hour of that posting, we got several offers. There were openings in other countries, but there was also one option that presented a sure shot way for me to go to Zambia by next week. Apparently, another volunteer from India who's supposed to arrive in Zambia on 16^th April just dropped out of the programme. VSO India, thus, offered the placement to me, explaining that my qualifications match the need for the position vacated by the said volunteer. However, upon realizing that the work is straight-out resource mobilization, I begged off. I really don’t think I’m cut out to be a lead fund raiser. (Not again, please!:D) As much as I would love to go to Zambia, I couldn’t take a position that I am not comfortable with just ‘coz it’s the most easily available one.

So here I am, still waiting for the other alternatives in Zambia to firm up. If nothing works out by early next week, it would be time to consider options from elsewhere in the world. After all, my VSO journey really isn’t about arriving in a particular country, but going wherever I could contribute the most.

It is tough to let go of Zambia—a country that I’ve grown fond of these past few months, thinking that it would be my home for the next two years or so. Nevertheless, while it may be tempting to give in to frustration or discouragement, I choose not to let that happen. These past weeks, I’ve come to accept that I am not in control of the situation, even as I realize that I can be in control of how I deal with it. I, of course, do not know what is going to happen and how it is going to happen, but I do trust that Someone so much bigger than I am is holding the reigns.

As a famous line from a cheesy song goes, "Whatever will be, will be".:) I just hope that whatever does become of this, I am ready for it.

Ironies

2007-03-30T09:16:00.000+08:00

“Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out...” ~ Alanis Morissette

You know that the month has gone off the “bizarre” chart when the following things happen:

Rain starts falling at the beginning of summer.
You find yourself running a training course for corporate clients on the week in which you're supposed to be starting your work as a trainer of disadvantaged youth in south of nowhere.
Incidences of fire break out left and right on Fire Prevention Month.
You finally receive official word about the issuance of your work permit for Zambia and, on the same day, are told that there’s a strong possibility that your placement will be cancelled due to controversies that your employer got involved in.
You find yourself watching a tame version of The L Word during its debut on Philippine TV. (I never thought I’d ever use “tame” and “The L Word” in the same sentence.:D)
A daycare center operator holds hostage a busload of little children in order to ensure a brighter future for them.

Really now, who would have thought...it figures.:)
.

Celebr8ing Womynhood

2007-03-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

On the 1st day of January 2007, I almost did not get to celebrate New Year because I was more of “in the middle” rather than “at the beginning” of something then (i.e., completing a project, preparing for Zambia, et al).

On the 14th of February, I did not celebrate Valentine’s Day just ‘coz I never really could relate to the whole idea of it.;)

But I could not let today, the 8th of March, go by just like I let all the other supposed red-letter days pass me by. After all, as I’ve said before, Womyn’s Day, to me, is more relevant, more meaningful, and more personal than some way-too commercialized “special occasions” ever will be. Heck, I even wore purple today.:D

At the end of the day, however, this occasion is not just about wearing the representative color for women's advancement or spelling the word womon/womyn the politically correct way. Rather, it is about commemorating THESE :

Video by Natada

Celebrating the values of justice and self-respect. Celebrating empowerment. Celebrating life. Celebrating oneself.

That is what it’s all about.

Happy International Womyn's Day!
.

Still Here

2007-02-19T22:01:00.000+08:00

Today was supposed to be the day.

By this time, I would have been up on cloud nine, 30,000 feet above ground, and headed for a land that I’m bound to call "home" for the next two years of my life.

Instead, I’m right here on what I’d like to call “ground zero,” concerning myself with what I could keep busy with in the next two months.

It’s been four days since I— along with my Zambia-bound co-volunteers— received word that our date of departure (originally February 19) has been moved to middle of April. Apparently, our work permits are still being processed. With what I had been told regarding Zambian immigration, I was actually already anticipating a delay. What I did not count on was that the said delay would be that long.

Suddenly, I now find myself with time on my hands—a whole lot of time than I am used to having, such that it ceases to be a luxury already.

After the hurly burly of the past months in preparation for my departure, this, perhaps, is life’s way of telling me to be still. Be still to savour the gift of friends, family, and community. Be still to bask in the beauty of country. Be still to empty one’s self and, thus, be ready to be filled once more with the graces of new life, new work, and new adventure.

So, for whatever it’s worth, I still here…still making it work…still rolling with the punches…still embracing each new day as it comes.:)

Peredyshka

2007-02-17T23:02:00.000+08:00

and here we sit
once more
under the golden gaze
of Aurora

c
a
t
c
h
ing
one breath
after (what seems to be)
an unending race
with time

overhead
a swirl of sights and sounds
beckons to be heeded

but we hold our ground

taking time
to dust off our feet
before we once again
play catch-up
with the
t
a
i
l end
of the wind.

Countdown

2007-01-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

I know, I know, the countdown to the New Year is over. The countdown to my New Life, however, is just beginning.

There are exactly 40 days to go before I leave for Zambia. Just a few more blinks and I’m off to (what I hope will be) my new home.

Right now, however, I’m up to my neck in work commitments which might stretch until early February. At the rate it's turning out, methinks I’ll only have barely two weeks left to really prepare for my VSO placement.

Good luck to me!

A Thousand Words...

2006-12-31T20:35:00.001+08:00

…are what you won’t find in this entry.

Instead, I’m posting pictures from the past year that more or less capture what 2006 has been like for me. My only regret is that I used my camera more for work purposes this year rather than actually taking the photos that I want to take. Hence, there were several “memorable moments” that I didn’t get to capture on film (or on digicam, for that matter). Nevertheless, the series of pictures (worth a thousand words, they say) will hopefully tell the stories that I’ve been wanting to tell via this blog but haven’t been able to.

Presenting, highlights of 2006 in the life and times of POL:

*Click on the Loop to view a slideshow of the pictures.

List

2006-12-21T23:28:00.000+08:00

While everybody else is busy with his or her Christmas list, I have been obsessing about a list of my own.

I shall call this my Preparing for Zambia List (a.k.a. Things to Do Before Leaving for My VSO Placement List). Here goes:

Fix travel papers
Practice riding the bicycle (It’s probably been more than 20 years since the last time that I’ve actually ridden one!)
Learn to drive the motorbike
Take a million and one vaccine shots and/or preventive medication for Diphtheria-Polio-Tetanus, Measles, Hepa A and B, TB, Flu, Pneumonia, Yellow Fever, Rabies, Meningitis, Malaria, etc.
Undergo a full dental check-up
Learn basic Nyanja
Read VSO reference materials (i.e., Volunteer Handbook, Health and Security Handbook, Volunteers and Development book, among others)
Review on debate formats and rules
Read up on Leadership theories
Collect reference materials on Leadership, Youth development, Fund raising, etc.
Read up on Zambia’s socio-political history and current events
Watch more football (soccer) to familiarize myself with the sport (No more live basketball games for me in Zambia…boohoohoo!)
Learn how to really cook (And I don't mean 'survival cooking,' which is the only kind of cooking I know as of yet. Harhar.)
Shop for appropriate clothes (i.e., collared blouses and ankle-length skirts), footwear, and other paraphernalia (Arrgh…I hate shopping!)

This really isn’t a bad list. Not bad at all. A big chunk of it sounds like fun. The catch, however, is that I have to accomplish all these before February 19 (my departure date) on top of finishing my on-going projects (a.k.a. "rackets") with two organizations and attending another VSO training course.

No time for dilly-dallying now. Every day counts.

"Displaced"

2006-12-01T12:33:00.000+08:00

The news headline this morning states that “close to 14,000 people were displaced following typhoon Reming’s onslaught in the Bicol region and southern Luzon (Inq7.net).”

I’m thinking, there’s got to be more “displaced” people than that. And definitely, those affected aren’t just from Bicol, Mindoro or Batangas, but from nearby provinces as well. After all, being “displaced” does not just consist of having one’s home or property damaged. It also has something to do with not knowing where to go or what your next move should be, for fear that you’ll be the next victim of the storm’s rampage—never mind that the sun in actually shining bright outside and there’s nary a trace of the reportedly strong rains and winds brought about by the typhoon (in Metro Manila, that is). Just the thought of going through another Milenyo-like typhoon is enough to keep the average Pinoy cautious this time around. Just ask the residents of Malabon.

I, for one, am feeling sort of “displaced” right now. I’m supposed to be in Silang, Cavite today, attending a training course with my co-volunteers in VSO. But (no) thanks to Reming, the entire course was moved up one day (hence, it will start tomorrow, Saturday), on short notice. So after the frantic day I had yesterday trying to beat deadlines and attending to last minute stuff, here I am now, trying to pass the time until I board the bus to Silang. And since I’ve already psyched myself to attend that course beginning this morning, I couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything else right now. I’m neither really here where my physical body is, nor really there where I am supposed to be.

Sure, the eye of the storm did not hit Metro Manila as originally forecasted, but it nevertheless managed to mess up with people’s schedules and to disrupt the normal course of our daily lives.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In the middle of all this restlessness, W, a very good friend of mine called me all the way from Sydney, where she is attending a conference. Suddenly, I am glad that I am where I am. (If I had been in the seminar, I would not have been able to take her call.) And just like that, I am not feeling so “displaced” anymore.

Silver lining, anyone? ;)

Down

2006-11-23T12:33:00.000+08:00

Not a lot of things could get me down.

Not even the long queues that I had to withstand yesterday under the scorching heat of the sun (while I was waiting for my NBI and police clearances to be processed) spoiled my day. Never mind that there were numerous inefficiencies in the whole “applying-for-your-clearance” process. And never mind that I got another bad case of sunburn—aggravating my already badly (read: unevenly) tanned skin owing to the past month’s activities, including the GK build that I joined four weeks ago, my Batangas trip with my balikbayan cousin last week, and my everyday commute under the RP sun. (At the rate I’m going, I think my mom’s dermatologist friend could be right—I might actually get skin cancer if I’m not more careful. But I digress.)

Things like physical discomfort or dealing with inadequate service in government offices are not new to me. After three decades of living in the Philippines, you get used to these things and you learn to cope. And if yesterday ended for me right after going through that “ordeal” of securing clearances from the local government, I still wouldn’t have considered it as a “bad day”—bad case of sunburn and all.

Towards the end of the day, however, the real “ordeal” began. I heard from a good friend who’s caught in an unenviable predicament. I really, really wanted to help, but I did not have the means to do so. Then, much later in the evening, I heard from another friend, likewise in dire circumstances. Once more, I was incapable of doing anything but pray.

It’s not the first time that this kind of thing happened, actually. I really don’t know what it is with this season, but since the month started, I’ve been hearing news from troubled friends, one after the other. How strange. And how sad.

In those previous occasions, I was able to take things in stride. Last night, however, it all somehow became very real to me. The whole time, my heart was beating louder and faster than usual, plus there was that huge lump on my throat that I had to bear with. I suppose part of my anxiety is borne out of knowing that I couldn’t do anything concretely to help even if I wanted to. That sense of helplessness and incapacity are, for me, some of the worst feelings in the world. In addition, I couldn’t help but think—“If it could happen to them, it could happen to anyone.” It is, I believe, the randomness of it all that makes it most daunting and that much harder to guard against.

Needless to say, last night was a very long night.

The funny thing is, I am typically a night person. I normally find solace in the rest and solitude that nighttide usually brings. But then again, last night was anything but normal as far as my two friends were concerned.

Hence, when the sun came up today, I welcomed it with open arms.

Doubts and perils of the night, be gone! I’d choose sunburn anytime.:)

Will

2006-11-09T21:44:00.000+08:00

Illumination. It could come from just about anywhere. This week, it came from some obscure site which I, by some strange occurrence, managed to land myself in.

It said: “It's not a matter of can or cannot, it's a matter of will or will not, everything is a choice….”

That clinches it.

And so, barring any fortuitous circumstances, I will...

Where in the World...?

2006-11-02T23:36:00.000+08:00

That is the question that has been hounding me these past couple of days. Middle of last week, I officially received placement offers from VSO partner institutions. There are five of them all in all—two in Mongolia, two in Zambia, and one in India. As I was reading through the placement documentation for all these options—especially the ones for Zambia—I felt my cheeks flushing and my heart skipping a beat! The responsibilities attached to these placements were overwhelming but exciting as well. And they’re all youth development-related, which was exactly what I had hoped for. Not bad for someone who was fine with taking on any placement that would come her way. Not bad at all.

That's the exciting part.

But now comes the difficult part—the one that involves making decisions. Asking me to choose between these placement offers is like asking me to pick just one dish to eat amidst a buffet feast! It’s a good thing that VSO gives its volunteers two weeks to formally accept an offer or not. As my training/programme adviser told me, “This is gonna be a life-changing decision, so take your time.” Talk about adding pressure to an already buoyed-up balloon. Haha.

If only we could make decisions based on eeny-meeny-miney-moes, things would probably be easier. Or not. But hey, who am I to complain? There are worse things in life than having several options…like not having other options to base one’s decision on, which is the dilemma that some of my co-volunteers are finding themselves in.

Anyway, a day after I received the offers and read through all the materials forwarded to me, I narrowed down my options to these three designations:

Volunteer Programme Manager, Mongolian Youth Federation (Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia)
Organisation Development Adviser, Patang (Orissa, India)
Projects Coordinator, Action Nation Group for Emerging Leaders a.k.a. ANGEL (Chipata, Zambia)

These three possible placements stand for causes that I believe in (i.e., youth empowerment, education development), and are somewhat similar to what I have been doing for Pathways these past years (except that two of these involve fund raising…arrggh!). I could see myself working in each of these organizations and countries. Had any one of these options been offered to me individually (that is, not simultaneous with the other options), I probably would have taken it without much ado.

My sentimental favorite, of course, is Zambia. How many times have I said that working in Africa would be a dream come true? In fact, that rush of blood to the head that I experienced when I received the offer to work with ANGEL almost made me decide, right there and then, to take the job. But then again, I knew that any choice I’d be making would have to go through careful deliberation.

At the end of the day, it would have to boil down to where I would be able to most effectively serve, given the skills and experience that I have vis-à-vis the needs of the community. Hence, I had to gather information—read through the briefing packs, online articles, and get in touch with people who have lived and worked in these countries and institutions. And I have been doing exactly these things these past few days. What I’ve learned through my “research” were daunting at times, and encouraging at times. But at all times, they proved to be enlightening.

Four months from now, I could be freezing to death in Ulaanbataar, or getting my feet muddied in the rugged terrains of Chipata, or weathering cyclones in Orissa. But wherever I may be by then, I just hope that it is where I am meant to be.

Seven

2006-10-21T23:11:00.000+08:00

I’ve been tagged by May8. Good thing too, because I’ve got the itch to post but my brain is too tired right now to perform complicated functions like thinking. Haha.

Here are seven songs that have been rounding my playlist these past months:

1) One Beat (Sleater-Kinney) – Off-beat and edgy but sends a strong message. Just my cup of tea. And just because Sleater-Kinney has already disbanded does not mean that their songs shall be forgotten.

2) Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll (The Killers) – I just love the beat of this song. Love it, love it, love it! It’s one of those tunes that will make you wanna bob your head. I’m so disappointed that nobody from Rockstar: Supernova sang this during the show’s run. They’re all stuck with Mr. Brightside and Somebody Told Me. Oh well.

3) What I Say and What I Mean (The Like) – “‘Never going back and forth, I'm only going forward’, that's what I keep saying. ‘Never going back and forth, I'm only going back’, that's what I mean...” This has actually been the story of my life for most of 2006. But other than that, I just really dig the vibe of this band. And at the risk of being redundant, I have to say that I simply like The Like.:)

4) The End Has No End (The Strokes) – “Two steps forward, then three steps back…” Same idea as # 3. ‘Nuff said.

5) Where Is My Mind (Placebo/Pixies) – The title of the song is actually a question that I’ve asked myself time and again, especially during the second quarter of the year. Focus, POL, focus!

6) Awit ng Barkada (Itchyworms) – This, I think, is one of the better re-makes from the Kami nAPO Muna tribute CD. Another one is Doo Bi Doo (Kamikazee), but May8 already included that on her list.:)

7) We (Menaya) – “We are the dreams that live and breathe…so tall. We’re the hopes, not fears.” It’s one of those “positive energy” Pinoy band songs. We need more of those.

Around Cyberworld in Five Days

2006-10-10T20:08:00.000+08:00

After Game 3 of the ADMU-UST Finals last Monday, October 2, I emailed a detailed account of the post-Season 69 Thanksgiving Mass at the Church of Gesu to six of my basketball-crazy friends who specifically asked about the highlights of the said Mass, which included the speeches of our team’s 3 captains and coach.

Since I was writing to small group of people who were as diehard about Ateneo hoops as I am, I allowed myself to write freely, without even double-checking to see if my grammar was correct. (Well, at 2:00-4:00 a.m., who’d care about grammar?) I, too, didn’t restrain myself from inserting side comments and a few irreverent "hirits" here and there. Lastly, I took the opportunity to share with my friends the glad (and very personal) news of my acceptance to VSO.

A day or two after, I found this email on my Inbox, from somebody whom I have never met before:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many thanks, Pia, for such a detailed and intimate (among fellow Ateneans) report of the mass at the Gesu after Game 3, which was relished with your personal commentaries. It felt as if I was also there.

You really write well and this unusual talent (not many have this) could pave the way for success in your endeavors.

This was forwarded to us by [name deleted] who is a member of our egroup, mbasa, which is composed of Ateneans mainly coming from HS'65 and Coll'69.

Good luck on your VSO application and possible assignment to a developing country.

Take care and God bless. AMDG.

[name deleted]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apparently, some of my buddies forwarded my email to “family and friends”. And perhaps, in turn, their uncles, cousins, batchmates, or kabarkadas forwarded the same email to God-knows-who-else.

By Friday, I learned that other close friends of mine received my email—not from me—but from their friends from other circles. On top of that, I was sent a slightly edited version of my own email via the ateneogenex yahoogroups that same night. [*cue here the theme from “ The Twilight Zone”*]

While all this was happening, I didn’t know whether to laugh, or to be embarrassed, or to be irritated, or to be thankful, that a personal email of mine—intended for an intimate group of friends—got circulated among other members of the Ateneo community.

It wasn't such a big deal, really. It' s just that I found it really strange that several people out there whom I have never met in my life got to read about the status of my VSO application, even before I had a chance to share this news with some of my closest friends. Also, there were two or three "hirits" in that email that I wouldn't have made had I known I'd have a larger audience.:)

But now that I’ve gotten used to the idea of fellow Ateneans reading my email, it doesn’t seem that strange anymore. In a way, I am glad to be able to share my account of the Thanksgiving Mass with the rest of the Blue and White faithful who could not be physically present at Gesu that night. That was, after all, an experience that I wouldn't mind telling and retelling generations of Ateneans, if only to commemorate the faith, the heart, and the fraternity that characterized our team and our community in Season 69.

The moral lesson from this whole thing? Never email about the Ateneo basketball team and about your personal stuff in one correspondence IF you don't want the entire Ateneo community to be privy to your personal life. Hahaha!:)

Win Some, Lose Some

2006-10-03T22:56:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, October 2, was one Monday that I would not soon forget. It seemed like the two endeavors that I’ve “invested” myself in these past few months were hinged on this date. There were two scores to settle this particular day, and I had hoped for a double celebration in the end. But it was not meant to happen that way. You can't win them all.:)

Small Victory

I had been expecting the results of my assessment day (the final stage of my application) with the Voluntary Service Overseas (VSO) Bahaginan Programme since last week. However, perhaps because of the typhoon Milenyo, the giving of feedback was extended to Monday, October 2. And indeed, after the long wait, I finally received the glad news yesterday—and during the halftime of Game 3 of the Ateneo-UST Finals series at that! I was accepted into VSO! Woohoo! I don’t know yet where I will be sent to and when. But just having this assurance that I’m in is a huge load off my chest. I know, however, that this is only the beginning. The real challenge is yet to come!

Here’s the funny thing though. I always imagined myself to be on Cloud 9 the day I’d get accepted into VSO. And now that that day has come, I am more relieved than ecstatic…more thankful than celebratory. Somehow, I just couldn’t find it in myself to be all hyped up over it because of this…

Big Loss

Like many Ateneans, I had hoped that this was going to be the season of the Blue Eagles. We had a great team this year, although perhaps not in the mold in the 2002 Ateneo championship squad that had “superstar” players in its roster. Rather, this team had a lot of role players who worked well together. They were led by three captains (also called “The Three Kings” by Ateneo hardcore fans) who struggled throughout the years playing behind more celebrated teammates, but who stepped up big time this year. Through sheer hard work and determination, they moved from being the third or fourth-seeded team by basketball prognosticators during the pre-season, to being the No.1-seeded team by the end of the UAAP eliminations. Hence, when they barged into the finals, beating a tough Adamson squad (and yeah, those whistle-blowing zebras too) in a grueling Final 4 contest, we all thought the Blue Eagles would go all the way and win it all this year.

But alas, the UST Growling Tigers had other things in mind. In another cliffhanger of a Game 3 in the UAAP Season 69 Finals, the proverbial ball bounced UST’s way and beat the Blue Eagles, 76-74 at overtime.

And just like that, Ateneo’s championship dreams—for this season, at least—are over.

Ironically, however, I did not take our loss yesterday with a heavy heart. In the dying minutes of the game, when the score was tied at 74-all, I sort of said to myself that whatever happens, I am proud of this team for showing heart and fighting the good fight. Hence, when the buzzer in overtime sounded—and the UST crowd exploded in jubilation—I sort of had a sense of calm wash over me. Even if we lost, I felt that those 10 hours I spent lining up for Game 3 tickets, and the countless hours of waiting for the actual game to transpire, was not for naught. I was sad, of course. Sad that we lost the ultimate prize by a hair. Sad because I might not be here next season to witness the team make another bid for the championship. But, somehow, it was not such a painful loss for me—it was a kind of defeat that was not too hard to swallow.

I know that, among Ateneans, I’m in the minority for feeling this way. And I am not entirely sure why I do.

Maybe it was because the team played with big fighting hearts that day. They fell short in the dying seconds—but not for lack of trying.

Or maybe it was because of the fact that I was able to find consolation in being in the midst of the Ateneo faithful, who stuck together all season and showed their support for the team through the wins, but most importantly, through the losses.

Or maybe it was because we lost to a truly worthy opponent such as UST. Their Game 3 win was, one has to admit, a fitting climax to their Cinderella season—ironically and eerily similar to that of the 2002 Ateneo champion squad. They, too, showed heart and intensity when in mattered, and for that, they deserve to be champions.

Or maybe I’m just plain weird. (This may be the more likely reason. Haha.)

If anything though, I just really felt sorry for our boys, especially the “Three Kings”—Doug, Macky, and JC. Doug had that great one second miracle shot that earned him a spot in Ateneo basketball lore—but I’m sure he would’ve traded all the accolades he got from making that shot for an actual championship. Macky played the game of his life (I still couldn’t get over it until now!)—too bad it was on a losing effort. Then, of course, there’s JC, who was our best all-around and most consistent player all season long. You could see that he really, really tried to bail us out, like he did many times before—but (most of) his shots were really just not falling in.

As one poster in Gameface.ph wrote:

“The difference rooting for this year's team with the 2002 team was that you knew Rico, Wesley, Larry and LA were supremely talented and were sure shot pros, as if anything less than a championship was an underachievement.

“This year's team led by JC, Macky and Doug was more of a working man's team. To be sure, the 3 Kings were flawed basketball wise, but they showed that heart and togetherness are more powerful than talent alone. It was easier to empathize with them, and… the grief from the loss comes more from how much we all wanted the seniors to be rewarded with a championship (Vickster, Blue Eagles’ Nest).”

~*~*~*~*~

After the game, the Blue and White faithful braved the sudden downpour (and accompanying floods in the Cubao to Katipunan areas) and trooped to the Church of Gesu for a Thanksgiving Mass. We might have lost the championship but it was still, in many ways, a season of grace for our Men’s Basketball Team.

Before the mass ended, the graduating captains, along with Coach Norman Black and Mr. Manny Pangilinan (a.k.a. MVP), were given a chance to speak in front of the Ateneo community. With their emotional—and at times, humorous—speeches, they shared themselves with the crowd in a way that none of the members of the past Blue Eagle squads ever did (and in a way in which they probably never would have shared themselves had they become champions).

What’s so heartening about members of this team wearing their hearts on their sleeves and opening up to the crowd in Gesu is that it makes one feel the relationship they have with the Ateneo community and the school. Yes, there was disappointment in their words and gestures. But one could also sense their growth as persons, as well as their genuine love and affection for each other. And that, in more ways than one, brought a sense of healing to the Blue and White faithful present that night. It strengthened our hope that they—both individually and as a team—will bounce back and come out stronger than ever.

In his homily, Fr. Ben Nebres said that this team is truly a “band of brothers” whose deep friendship went beyond basketball, and which will go beyond the years they would have spent studying in (not just playing for) Ateneo. In a very real sense, that is what the Ateneo community should be—and is—all about.

I, of course, have heard of countless stories saying that this bunch is really special because they have good work ethics, they’re real student athletes, they’re truly a team with no “superstars”, etc. And of course, I’ve been proud of them all season long. But after all the things I’ve seen and heard last night, I’m even prouder of this team, and of the Ateneo community as well.

I’m glad I attended that Mass. Because of it, my last memory of Season 69 is not of a lost game, a lost championship. Rather, it is of a community gathered together in prayer, in joy and in tears (literally), in friendship and camaraderie--still believing and looking forward to brighter things ahead.

On Pause

2006-09-29T23:32:00.000+08:00

Can’t hardly wait.

Ever since that last second miracle play engineered by Coach Norman Black and the Blue Eagles last Sunday during Game 1 of the titular match between Ateneo and UST—and the frenzied celebration by the Blue and White faithful that came after—I couldn’t have been more pumped up for the 2^nd and, hopefully, the last game of the UAAP Season 69 finals series. And it’s not just me either. All week long, everybody and his/her mother has been gushing about that play, analyzing it, and—thanks to Youtube!—replaying the amazing turn of events over and over and over again. That perfectly executed play is the stuff that legends are made of, and has, indeed, earned its place in Ateneo basketball lore, along with the likes of Gec Chia’s “Hail Mary” shot (2002 Final 4 versus UE) and Larry Fonacier’s phenomenal pair of end-game blocks (2002 Finals Game 1 versus DLSU)—both of which were instrumental to Ateneo’s bid for the championship four years ago.

Hence, with all the excitement and anticipation building up for Game 2, my friends and I didn’t really mind devoting time to lining up for precious tickets, both at the Araneta and at the Blue Eagles Gym (and as early as 5:30 am at that!). September 28, Thursday, was blocked off on our calendars. Nothing—not even work or an impending sickness—would stop us from witnessing what could potentially be another historic moment for our team.

Or so we thought.

Apparently, as supporters of the Blue Eagles and the Growling Tigers were getting all hyped up to storm Araneta for what promises to be another down-the-wire duel, a super typhoon has been brewing near RP shores. By late Wednesday afternoon, Milenyo has announced its foray into the Philippine area of responsibility, with Metro Manila as one of its (near) direct hits, effectively putting on hold everything in the city—classes, work and, yes, Game 2 of the UAAP Finals.

Everything on pause. Everything in suspended animation.

After waiting all week for Thursday to come, this development was such a bummer! Talk about frustration. Aarrgh! But well, we have learned long ago that the force of nature is not to be messed with. All that could be done was to wait for 48 more hours—never mind that we had to spend more than half of that span of time in the dark due to the metro-wide blackout. I guess we’ll have to put Game 2 and, God-willing, the celebration of the championship on hold for two more days. For now, important things have to be dealt with—such as keeping safe, surviving the storm (and the dark?), and afterwards, cleaning up and restoring the damages caused by nature’s rampage.

On pause. Come to think of it, I’ve been in this very situation all these months. With all my previous commitments behind me, I started out the year eager at the prospect of qualifying for my "dream job". But as new and overlapping commitments started to pile up and overwhelm me, my chase of this “dream” (cheesy at it may sound) had to be put on pause for a while. Nevertheless, all that time, while I was I completing my work with several organizations, I never took my eyes off my ultimate goal. Eventually, I put in my application, and then had to wait some more...until I reached that final stage just last week. The results are still on hold, but I know it will come anytime now.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The thing with pauses is that they could go either way. On the one hand, it could break whatever momentum one has gained. On the other hand, it could give one the opportunity to focus some more and gather one’s energy for another spirited run. It could provide the much needed breathing space for a whispered prayer, a re-evaluation of self, or a restoration of strength and confidence to enable one to go the distance.

At the end of the day, however, it will all depend on the person—or the team—how he/she/it chooses to play the “on pause" card. This choice may very well prove to be crucial to how one will hold up in the face of a tempestuous storm--whether the storm may come in the form of nature's fury, a pressure-packed game, or even a personal quest toward the unknown.

Wow, I’m living in exciting times! On pause…but with so much to look forward to. And the best (and scary) thing about it is, once the pause button is released, and the proverbial clock begins to tick, it will be an all-out commitment...an all-out stand.

There will be no turning back.

Back to ABC

2006-08-31T23:55:00.000+08:00

After 8 centuries of evanescence from blog world, I am back with this excuse for a post, just to get into the groove of things again.:)

**********************************
The ABCs of POL

A - Age: the big “three-oh…plus one”

B - Brand that you really like: Uhh…Hallmark? hehe

C - Candies or chocolates: Chocolates, I guess—white chocolates, more specifically

D - Dream career: (a) development work in the grassroots level; (b) children’s book illustrator

E - Easiest person/s to talk to: my Soul Sistahs (a.k.a. Whel, Ate Bills, Tin, Maits, et al)

F - Favorite song/s at the moment: “What I Say and What I Mean” by The Like, “The End Has No End” by The Strokes, “One Beat” by Sleater-Kinney

G - Gays or lesbians: I’m on the fence on this one 'coz I love 'em equally.:)

H - Highlight of the past week: If the past week covers the past 7 days, then I’d say that that week’s highlight was attending the JVP G.A., then proceeding to watch that cliffhanger (and heartbreaker) of a ballgame between ADMU and UST.

I - In-love? N/A :)

J - Junk food you like: Holy Kettle Corn (I can finish one large pack in one sitting!)

K - Kids: Hundreds—from ACIL, JVP and Pathways. And they’ve all grown up so fast!

L - Longest Land trips ever: Bulan, Sorsogon to QC, during the superstorm “Loleng” (20+ hours by bus and “skitch”); Albay to Southern Leyte (24++ hours, by bus, ferry, and public van); European tour (12 days, by bus)

M – Movie/s of the moment: Well, the last movies I watched were Kubrador and My Super-Ex Girlfriend.

N - Number of siblings: zilch

O - One wish you have: That this country will get out of the rut that it has been stuck in for the last, uh, 4 centuries?

P - Phobias: fear/disgust of rats

Q - Quotes: “A distant nation my community, a street person my responsibility….If I had a care in the world, I have a gift to bring.” – Indigo Girls (Hammer and Nail)

R - Reason to smile: Got that call I’ve been waiting for on St. Ignatius Day (July 31) and, as a result of the call, got interviewed for my “dream job” on my birthday.:)

S - Sport that you love: Basketball! Too bad, I only watch but do not play.

T- Time you woke up today: 6:30AM

U - Unknown fact about you: When I was about 2-3 years old, I became the muse (mascot?) of the Ateneo college basketball team.:) (I’m not sure whether it was in the UAAP or the NCAA though.)

V - Vegetable/fruit you hate: None, really. I’m not aversive to fruits and veggies.

W - Worst habit: Procrastinating!!!

X - X-rays you've had: at least 3X, the last time being Thursday of last week

Y - Yummy food/s: banana cream pie, “chicharong tilapia” (from Lake Sebu), anything chicken, anything shrimp…anything edible actually :)

Z - Zodiac sign: Sun in Leo, Moon in Taurus

I've Got One Hand In My Pocket (and the other one is typing on the keyboard ü)

2006-01-07T21:14:00.000+08:00

“I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah.”

Ever since Kid’s videoke birthday party two months ago, these lyrics have been ringing in my ears. (And it’s not just because I had made it my cellphone’s ringtone.ü)

“I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby.”

It is not, by any means, a new song. In fact, it is sooo ten years ago. Nevertheless, it perfectly captures where I am right now. It succinctly describes the two-fold reality that I find myself in.

“What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five.”

These past few months, I have been constantly traversing two paths, waltzing to and fro, just going with the flow…

…I’m on the tail end of one project, yet at the start of another one (and another one, and another one).

…Celebrating life, while trying to make a living.

…Catching up with kindred souls, but also catching up with work.

…Trying to enjoy where I am right now, yet striving to move toward where I want to be.

It’s funny, that for someone who sees herself as a stable, grounded, and focused individual, I am so comfortable with being so flighty, so caught in the temporary…so in between.

So “un-me.”

But the strange thing is, I feel more myself now than I ever was. More secure with my insecurities and “un-security” than in my previous state of security. More certain with the uncertainty of what is to come.

Perhaps I am a bit unrealistic. Or delusional. Or maybe, I’m really just a fan of the song. But I believe Alanis when she says:

“What it all comes down to, my friends
Is that everything's just fine, fine, fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab...”

Dot Dot Dot

2006-01-01T22:03:00.000+08:00

I begin where I left off:

There are beginnings. There are endings. And then there are

continuities...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...and here we are once more
turning the page
before we could even
cross the t's

inserting terminal ink blots
where they do not belong
much like little black holes
in a white universe

i learned long ago
to just let the words come
and
breathe life
into themselves

and
spill over
to the next page
and to the next

in the their own time

for not everything
has to end
with a solitary
inkblot

not everything
has to end
when the old page
runs out

not everything
has to end...